And you kissed me like you ment it.

Tye-dye, missing Psat's, and permit

Wed, 17 Oct 2007 22:05:32 GMT

Next week is spirit week which is fun, Britney and Kaylor came over and we tye-dyed for Tye-dye Tuesday. Then I think it's Mix n Don't Match Monday, Wear Your Class Color Wednesday (juniors are green), Jersey Thursday and Fridays spirit day. I'm probably gonna do all of them except Thursday unless I can get a Braves jersey..but I don't know.
This weeks really nice because we hardly go to school. Today was our only full day and I would have had my psat but I missed it..for reasons I don't feel like talking about. Then tomorrow we get out 3.5 hours early so each class is 40 minutes. And Friday we're off.
After school tomorrow me, Stephanie, Marissa, and other people are hanging out at the park for the first time in a long time which I'm excited for. And then Friday! I GET MY PERMIT FINALLY! And I can actually start driving and stuff.
And that's about it...................I had a beyond stressful day today, most people know why. It was probably the most stressful/irritating/frustrating day in a long time. But it happens, you can't have a perfect life with nothing bad that happens to you, it's just how it works.

And I'm single, and I don't like anyone and it's actually really nice.
It's not stressful at all (: woo.

AND I GET MY HOMECOMING DRESS SUNDAY. It should have been here last week but the place I ordered it from is gay. Heres what it looks like:

And I love it. I just have to get jewelry, a strapless bra, and shoes. I'm excited. Bob evans, then nikki's for pre-HC, then homecoming, and then post-hc at my house.
Fun.

:)

Sun, 14 Oct 2007 20:08:28 GMT

So I pretty much decided I am not going to deal with the following:
1. Guys that screw me over.
2. People that lie to me.
2. Girls that are annoying, obnoxious, attention whore/hogs, non-listeners, and immature bitches who also rely on people to solve their own problems because they're too retarded to do it themselves.

Why? Because it's a waste of time and I refuse to get worked up over things anymore.
I don't like any guys right now, yeah I'm physically attracted to like 2 or 3 but thats it. I don't have any emotional feelings for anyone and it's kind of nice. And I am not going to worry about trying to find a boyfriend. I'm not going to get impatient and just date anyone so I don't feel alone (sounds like someone familiar LOL) and yeah. So I mean if someone comes along, that's great. Sweet, cool, awesome, hooray. But if they don't I don't care.
And I'm done with girls (especially one) who apply to #3. I don't have a lot to say about this but I'm fucking done, and I'm not going to be friends with these people ever. They need to grow up and stop being an ass-fucking bitch to all of their friends, enough said.

On a good note though I finally got a JOB :D. After applying and shit to all of these places I actually got the job I really wanted. Mostly for the pay and because I'm going to get a lot of hours hopefully. But yeah. And I'm working with Stephanie haha, which should get interesting. My first day is the 28th from 2-6 so I'm excited.
And..homecoming is the day before my first day of work and I get my dress in the next couple of days so I am really really happy about that. I'm just hoping it doesn't turn out like one of those makes-you-look-pregnant dresses and I hate it. I need to get a strapless bra and shoes too.

Other than that life's good. Schools going good. Everything is going good for the most part which is how it always should be. I need to stop eating so much though because I'm starting to gain a little weight and I still want to get down to like 130 which is a healthy weight for my height. So yeah!
:)

Sat, 29 Sep 2007 15:59:05 GMT

Things never go in my favor.

Is it possible to be in a bad/good mood at the same time?

Fri, 28 Sep 2007 19:32:09 GMT

I realized that happiness never lasts that long. It really doesn't.
I'll talk about my good mood first. Right now I'm in this new stage..the kind of which when I really just don't care about anything other than family, my very close friends, and school. Other than that I just don't care what happens. This is kind of due to some of my bad mood things but it's putting me in a good carefree mood and I kind of like it. I don't like having to worry over things. I worry and stress about enough.
My ceramics project (the bubble teapot, not the ladylin) is 1/2 done. I got all/most of the clay smoothed down on the balloon...and now I just have to wait for it to get a little harder so I can set it down on the table and start working on it on there, and attach the handle and spout.
I'm getting my permit tomorrow morning if I pass the test, and then after that I'm getting my tragus pierced which I'm excited for both. Well more my permit test. I'm not sure if im actually getting my tragus done because 1.) it's expensive and 2.) I don't know I just might wait to get it done.
I'm doing extremely well in Alg. 2 even though Mrs. Greenwell sucks ass at being a teacher. And my grades right now are really good so I'm happy. I have no C's, all A's and B's :). Which is a huge deal for me. And I haven't been late this whole year or missed a full day of school. I left early yesterday around 11 because I felt so sick and I was crying and crap but that was the only time and I think I had a good reason for going home so yeah.

Now for the bad news.
I broke my ceramics project..the ladylin, which was finished, drying, perfectly fine! And I went to fix one of the cracks..well 2 of the cracks with paper slip and I got the wrong container and used stoneware instead of buff and thats bad so I got really mad and irritated and started wiping it off the whole thing came off -_- so I don't know how I'm gonna get that back on. Hopefully Mrs. Mattingly can help me on Monday if it doesn't dry out all the way. Blah.

...And the biggest bad news of all is something I have decided to be the most care free about. And not let it bother me, because I really shouldn't. But for the first time, ever, I have felt totally comfortable around a guy. An actual nice guy, who wasn't an asshole, etc. He actually respected me and didn't kiss me the first time we hung out, or the second, or the third. He didn't jump at the first second to get in my pants or try to make moves on me that I didn't want happening. He didn't push me into anything I didn't want to do. He could sit down and have an actual conversation with me. And I've never been around a guy like this and I absolutely love how he is and treats me. But now pretty much as I can sum up the bad news of this part, someone got in my way. For once I'm happy, and I have someone I can be around and have fun with, and a huge..obstacle gets in my way. And this always happens to me, I start liking someone, and someone else has to start liking them too. And they are always extremely gorgeous, and tiny and just overall better than me. So what happens? I get pushed away.
I'm not surprised.
I'm really not surprised one bit. I kind of knew from the beginning this was going to happen.
But I'm not going to worry about it. If he likes her, that's fine. I hope he's happy. And if he likes me, that's fine too. That's better than fine. But I'm not going to worry about this, make a big deal, etc. I just don't care. It's nothing I'm going to get myself stressed over even though sometimes I get a little bit antsy about it. But yeah.
I tried my hardest, and if it's not good enough, then that's fine. But at least I know I tried.

And that's it.
So I am turning over a new leaf and whatever happens to me and my life in general, happens.
:)

Birthday..

Sat, 15 Sep 2007 13:52:06 GMT

I actually had a pretty good day.
I'm starting to get a lot of things in Math which makes me happy and excited because usually I have a lot of trouble with it. Ceramics I'm finally finishing up my project so I'll probably get it turned in Monday or Tuesday.. and then the rest of the day was pretty boring. We didn't do anything in Envi Sci, and in SSL I cut about 93874397 sheets of paper.
And then Britney came home with me, and Kaylor came over and we went to Miyakos.

But..
I got 50$ from my Grandma and Pap, and they said I'll get 50$ more later because they don't trust me with 100....lol. My dad got me red roses, and my present was my camera I got a few months ago but right now I can't find the battery so it's pretty much useless. Then my aunt got me 50$ to AE and pink roses. My dad's parents got me $50. And then I got a bunch of stuff from Britney and Kaylor.
So I'm happy.
And I believe I'm getting some stuff from my Mom, my Uncle and my other Aunt and probably random people I've never heard of which is what usually happens.

Then today is MFU and I don't feel like going so I probably won't.
Idk..
Good bday though :).

Edit: And Nikki got my spices :) Lol.

:)

Thu, 13 Sep 2007 17:19:41 GMT

Earlier this week I wasn't excited about my birthday but now I really am.
Going to Miyakos tomorrow night with Brit and Kaylor, their coming home with me after school woohoo. And then Saturday is MFU all day, nothings going on Sat. night...And then sunday I have to babysit??? and birthday dinner with my Mom's side of the family at China Garden mmmmmmmmmm haha.
So..Tomorrow is hopefully going to go good.

And today tooooo.
And this weekend in general. And I can't wait to get money so I can buy the shirt I want.

Nikki got a laptop (lucky bitch)..and a webcam so I'm happy :).

And so are my feet.

:*)

Mon, 10 Sep 2007 23:41:49 GMT

I haven't updated this in awhile...and a lot is going on so I felt the need too.
It's nice being back in school. I actually get to see my friends instead of sitting home alone. I have homework which gives me something to do for the first week and then put off for the rest of the year, like right now I'm suppose to be doing a paper for Environmental Science and guess what I'm doing? Nothing :).

My birthdays in 4 days, and it came a lot faster than I thought it would have. As much as I should be excited about it, things keep happening to me that kind of dim down the excitement. I mean yeah, I'm excited. But it's not that big of a deal as some people treat it as...being 16 isn't very fun when you don't have your permit which you could have gotten 3ish months ago but didn't because you were too lazy. Hopefully there won't be any drama this week, and I stay almost stress-free at least until Monday even though my moms kind of making this hard for me.

It's kind of weird though, at the same time I keep having bad luck I'm also having good luck. I'm not going to talk about one of the things, but most of my close friends know what I'm talking about. Lets see, my ceramics project is going extremely well and I'm excited because it's a lot better than some of the stuff I did last year. I'm doing the back of a women which is going to mold into a violin, kind of confusing but I have the back finally done after almost a week and I've been staying after a lot. And it still needs a lot of work but I'm attaching the violin stuff hopefully tomorrow, mostly working on it during class/after school because I would really like to get it done. Mrs. Mattingly said if I needed extra time though I could have it since I've been actually working and haven't been messing around a lot so that's nice to know if I don't finish it tomorrow I'll be fine.

I have to go write my paper for Envi. sci now or else I'm going to be in deep shit, and I'm going to get a bad grade.
Even though I have absolutely no idea what I'm supposed to be dong for it. And I didn't watch the movies that the report was on because I was sleeping.
Woo. I'm absolutly thrilled.

Ok who in their right mind..

Mon, 27 Aug 2007 23:34:42 GMT

wants to have Algebra 2 at 7:30-9 in the morning? I surely don't. I'm not thrilled at all, I mean couldn't I have an easy class? Math is honestly my worst subject and now they expect me to do well right when I wake up.
No.. not going to happen. I don't like that class at all.
I do however like all my other classes. Of course I like ceramics, it's my favorite. My first project I'm reconstructing my dryer which I did last year in Ceramics 2 but the black glaze ran over the whole thing and I just don't like how it looks. SO. I'm going to re-do it bigger and better. Plus, I like the people that sit at my table. Ummmmmmm, Envi. Sci is okay. I sit next to Britney (assigned seating) and I was so red and was crying like crazy because I was laughing so hard. We're probably going to be moved after a week lol. And then lunch is.. not even going to go there. And last I have SSL which we didn't do anything but sit in the auditiorium and me and Britney laughed and stuff.

I ate too much today. Like 10x what I usually eat in a day, and I lost 3 pounds, uhh I wouldn't be surprised if I had a tape worm.
And I'm kind of in a good mood. "Kind of", not really. I'm doing something I don't want to do today and yeah.
Blah.

That's it.
I don't like getting up at 6.

Dun..dun..dun........

Tue, 21 Aug 2007 15:51:14 GMT

Dentist today, and I am not at all thrilled.
I decided I'm going to bring my ipod this time to keep my mind off of it, because I really really hate the dentist. I hate the sound of drills, I hate the smell, I hate how cold it always is, and I hate all the stupid weird big dentist lingo they use and it's like ok, whats that, what are they putting near my mouth. Obviously it's good things, but I rather not..have to go.
And then I'm coming home, and relaxing, and taking a nap or something.

Bye.

Worst vacation ever.

Mon, 20 Aug 2007 14:16:31 GMT

I told my dad I didn't want to go.
I really didn't do anything this whole weekend. I did however, manage to have a heat stroke and pass out and stuff. I really don't want to talk about it and get into it though.
And .. yeah.
My cousin studders a lot. It really was starting to drive me nuts. He would say the first syllable to a sentance atleast 20 times and I was like THATS NOT A SENTANCE. Except I didn't yell at him but yeah.
I don't really want to talk about my trip.

My birthdays in 25 days.
School starts in 1 week from today.
And I need to finish ordering my clothes online, and go school supply shopping. Woohoo.
I have practically the whole first semester with Britney, and then I think we have 1 class 2nd semester, and I have 1 class with Amanda 2nd semester so that makes me pretty happy.
And that's about it.

Bye.

This cannot be happening.

Wed, 15 Aug 2007 18:08:32 GMT

So yesterday I went swimming with Britney at my neighbors house, who is not ever home because they are selling their house and all and have let me and my other neighbor/friend Alix to use it until the house sells.
So we went over, were only there for probably 20 minutes, and left.

And then I woke up this morning and decided I needed to update my iPod for my Florida trip, and guess what? I cannot find it anywhere. I've torn the house apart, I have walked over to my neighbors house continuous times and looked everywhere. I don't know if I'm just overlooking it around the house, or if the lady came home last night for some odd reason and picked it up and took it inside, or someone actually stole it.
Honestly, my day cannot get any worse. I'm already being forced to go on this stupid Florida trip. And now, I don't have my iPod. Are you fucking kidding me?

UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

One last time

Wed, 15 Aug 2007 00:52:51 GMT

So I have been forced to go to Florida to see my Aunt, her girlfriend, and travel with my cousin David whose like 13/14 or something I don't know, I don't care. I don't..like..my cousin. I just do not like him. I cannot deal with him or stand him. He's weird, he studders, I mean it's like trying to figure out what someones saying when they don't have a voice box. It's just impossible! And now I have to fly, on a plane, with him.
And right now I am not too super happy about getting on a plane. Because on the plane ride home from Wisconsin I had a panic attack and it was really bad and my dad was there. I don't want to be around a bunch of strangers, and freak out. My stomach has just been really uneasy these past couple of days. I'm pretty much scared of flying now.
I really really just don't even want to go to Florida by myself. I mean maybe if my dad was going, of course, I would go. But it makes my stomach feel sick every time I think about it and I just get the feeling something bad is going to happen. My cousin Katie whom I usually hang out with when we go on vacations is in college and can't come so I'm really kind of disappointed because I'm stuck with stupid David.
Ahhhhhhhhh.
This isn't going to be a fun trip. I leave Thursday night though, our flights around 8. And then I get back Monday I guess in the morning/afternoon. And then school starts on the 27th, and I did all my school shopping this year online. So woohoo all thats done. I just have to get supply's and shit, I think I'm just going to use folders this year and go light. Some of the teachers ask you to buy all this shit and you hardly ever use it. Waste of money. But yeah :).
That's it. I'm getting on the plane, and I probably will die.
Goodbye forever.

Just kidding ^_^.

OBX/Wastednessnessness

Sat, 11 Aug 2007 01:04:09 GMT

Got back from OBX (Outer banks, NC) today around 3ish, 6 hour car rides are really really boring. Except I took Tylenol PM and slept about 4-5 hours of the whole thing and listened to my iPod the rest of the trip. The house we stayed at was nice, we had a private pool thankfully and me and Michelle abused it with the pool toys and the water slide ^_^. Beach was hot, sand was burning, water was fun except for the very occasional wave that hit you so hard you ended up discombobulated on the shore, and you get lots of sand in your suit and when you go in to get it out, you get thrown up on shore again. I got a ton of incense, 2 candles, a new hoody, and 2 new shirts. And thats about it, it was funnn :D.

Me and Michelle got completely and utterly wasted and trashed the other night and took 6 1/2 shots of Smirnoff Vodka and we pretty much got out ass's kicked lmao. I honestly never want to be that drunk again but it was so much fun (note: the hangovers were not). But I don't remember as much as Michelle did. But I did manage to roll off my bed, and get my head stuck between the bed and the desk and it was very painful I do remember that part. Michelle says I ran into a wall, but I didn't do it as much as she did because she was like all over the place lmao. We spent most of our time in the bathroom with Liz (michelles bro's girlfriend) and yeah. I love the feeling where you can't control yourself :) haha. I sent a bunch of people drunk IM's, texts, and I believe I called a couple of people.
But next time I'm sticking to 3 or 4 shots rofl.

AND NOW I'M HOME :)! And I'm super excited to be sleeping in my bed again, and being able to do laundry tomorrow. I'm going to go lay on the couch and watch a movie. And I also canceled my trip to Florida, I'm done for the summer.

:-\

Thu, 02 Aug 2007 03:16:31 GMT

I'm 15, almost 16 (in Sept :D) and I am still scared to be home alone most of the time and I feel kind of pathetic. Not kind of, but pretty pathetic.
I was downstairs in the laundry room folding clothes so I could get started on packing and I was acting like a 5 year old. I kept looking over my shoulders and hesitating and shit. And like small sounds would happen and I would freak out, or I would imagine footsteps upstairs (even though there weren't any) and getting really nervous. I hate the dark, I hate being left alone, and I am always home alone. My dad and his girlfriend are always out doing something and they just leave me home. Which sometimes I don't mind because I can sing to my music, do what I want, talk as loud as I want, etc. But I always worry about like someone breaking in and stuff, or just something overall bad happening to me/the house. I kept calling my dad and he wouldn't pick up which made me freak out a little so I just stopped what I was doing and ran out of the laundry room and here I am.
Feeling like a baby.

Procrastination begins

Wed, 01 Aug 2007 22:09:54 GMT

I hate going on vacation. I don't hate the vacation part, I hate the planning part. I hate making a list and packing because once I get to where ever I'm going, I realize I didn't pack enough of something, forgot something, etc. Especially packing clothes, like it really nerve-racks me.
But today I have to do a lot of laundry, and maybe start packing a little and continue packing tomorrow morning. Then me, brit, Kaylor, and Kat are going to see I Now Pronounce You Chuck And Larry at 2:20 and then going to TGIF's afterwords. And thennn after that I go to Michelle's and we leave the next morning for Duck, NC. Which I am excited for :-D. 1 night with Michelle is just crazy but now it's 182 hours with her, woohoo.

But I finally found a website where I can watch box office movies online, for free, and without having to sign up. Because I really wanted to see I Know Who Killed Me and I couldn't see it in theaters because it's rated R for retarded. But now I can >:D bwahaha.
Also I'm in a really good mood :) And I'm happy. G00dby3.
And I think Brit and Kat are coming over later to hang out and swim. I still need to pack though.

Edit: Our basement flooded a little -_-.

:******

Mon, 30 Jul 2007 16:42:04 GMT

So, I don't think I will be getting into one of those moods anymore, for a long time. For once, for fucking once I'm going to be happy. And I am happy. I've never been this happy before in my entire life and I never know I could be. I'm sick of watching everyone else be happy, and everyone else finding someone to like and stuff, so it's my turn. And if someone doesn't like it, that's too bad because I'm not going to stop liking him :-). I love how my life goes from one minute not so good, to the best it's ever been.
I spent the night at my Mom's last night, it wasn't too bad. We didn't fight or anything, except her and Sam (my sister) really pissed me off this morning because they kept trying to constantly wake me up, get me out of bed, dressed, and into the car to go back to my Dad's. But last night we had steak and stuff and I always love eating there because everythings always good. And after that I just went downstairs and watched The Cosby Show non-stop until 5 in the morning. And then I had the best, THE BEST, phone conversation other than when I pee'd on the phone with Nikki and she kept making me laugh, but it made me extremely happy. But saying goodbye took forever, because I really didn't want to say it and go to sleep even though I was about to pass out. I hit the end button and I was like grrr and I wanted to call back but I knew I couldn't and then I went upstairs and got in bed and it took me awhile to fall asleep and then when I did, 5 hours later I had to get up! :*(.
I just had leftover Chinese food, and now I'm going to go lay down and watch a movie. I'm in a sort of grumpy mood though just because I didn't get any sleep, my dog kept barking constantly this morning, trying to make a music myspace is really irritating, and yeah. But I'm also in a reeeally wheely good mood.

Oh, and..post secret really scares me sometimes lmao, who in their right mind would want to find a dead baby under a bag of peas? That's even worse than those dead baby jokes. And of all places she puts it in the freezer where her roommates can find it, of all places! I wouldn't wait to bury it either because if I had to look at it I would probably throw up. ^_^.

I'm just in one of those moods.

Sat, 28 Jul 2007 18:44:20 GMT

And I hate being in just one of those moods because, I don't like moods. I don't like being in them, and I surely don't belong in one. I'm not meant to be in them, I don't fit the moody type. I'm not a moody person and I don't like moody people. I don't make myself moody, it's those other people, those other moody people which I said I wouldn't like but I still like anyways because you can't just judge someone on how moody they are. Well I mean you could, but that's sort of shallow.
Actually moods can be happy, or sad, or mad. But this isn't a happy mood. It's kind of a sad/mad/irritated mood which like I was saying doesn't fit me.

Why?
I don't even want to get into it because everytime I do, I piss myself off, and I get in a deeper mood.
And I don't. Like. Moods.
Because I'm always a very happy person. I deal with my life, I'm content everyday with it unless theres something wrong. But I never am in moods. I was in such a good happy mood lately and then people just have to go and ruin it.
I guess wanting to be happy for once and having something is being selfish.
Yeah.

Oooh.

Sat, 28 Jul 2007 04:16:59 GMT

I love it when songs relate to me.

----------------

Get a load of me, get a load of you
Walkin' down the street, and I hardly know you
It's just like we were meant to be

Holding hands with you when we're out at night
Got a girlfriend, you say it isn't right
And I've got someone waiting too

What if this is just the beginning
We're already wet, and we're gonna go swimming

Why can't I breathe whenever I think about you
Why can't I speak whenever I talk about you
It's inevitable, it's a fact that we're gonna get down to it
So tell me
Why can't I breathe whenever I think about you

Isn't this the best part of breakin' up
Finding someone else you can't get enough of
Someone who wants to be with you too

It's an itch we know we are gonna scratch
Gonna take a while for this egg to hatch
But wouldn't it be beautiful

Here we go, we're at the beginning
We haven't fucked yet, but my heads spinning

Why can't I breathe whenever I think about you
Why can't I speak whenever I talk about you
It's inevitable, it's a fact that we're gonna get down to it
So tell me
Why can't I breathe whenever I think about you

High enough for you to make me wonder
Where it's goin'
High enough for you to pull me under
Somethin's growin'
out of this that we can control
Baby I am dyin'

Why can't I breathe whenever I think about you
Why can't I speak whenever I talk about you

Why can't I breathe whenever I think about you
Why can't I speak whenever I talk about you
It's inevitable, it's a fact that we're gonna get down to it
So tell me
Why can't I breathe whenever I think about you

Oh happiness, how I missed you dearly

Fri, 27 Jul 2007 04:03:01 GMT

Lately I have been in a really good mood. Like the best mood I think I've ever been in my entire life. I'm not going to go into why though..because I'm pretty sure I could go on for a good couple of hours, possibly days, about the whole situation. It's like I can't go a minute without thinking about this and smiling and having all the thoughts in my mind. December will be a good month. I'm having a large epiphany though! I mean yeah, sometimes I have really happy moments, but this one, it's just surreal. It amazes me how things can change. And this kind of change was so surprising and when I think about it I just get so anxious and antsy and happy. I would love if I could be this happy all the time, and hopefully I will be for a long time. It kind of scares me though because all good things come to an end, and they come to an end really quickly for me usually. And I want this to last awhile. I want to keep this feeling for a long time. Like I found the missing part feeling. Somehow I always end up screwing up things, saying/doing the wrong thing, which concludes to everything going down the drain. And I try so hard sometimes, but like I can never be good enough I guess. And it kind of sucks. I'm going downstairs to watch Finding Nemo and stay up really late.
Oh. And. I made noodles earlier, and I'm never cooking again because I didn't cook them all the way and they were all crunchy.. :-\. And my dad called me a retard lol.

Wisconsin trip update..

Fri, 27 Jul 2007 02:38:54 GMT

So, I guess I'll review how my trip went even though it's not really worth it. I got back from Wisconsin last night around 10:30 and didn't get home until around midnight, I'm pretty exhausted, and the trip kind of sucked. Actually it didn't really 'kinda' suck, it really sucked. I had an anxiety attack on the flight back which I've never had on a plane before, and it lasted about 30 minutes to about an hour. I kind of lost count. It only lasted that long (usually they last 10 minutes or less) because I was on a plane and couldn't go anywhere or do anything about it.
But here are the reasons my trip sucked:
1. Mostly because my dad and his girlfriend stuck me, Logan, an extremely shy girl who does not do good around new people at all..around 70-80 of Mary's relatives who were all new people.
2. Jackie was there and kept trying to do stuff with me, which sometimes I didn't mind because I needed someone to walk around with, or.. go on water slides with. But other than that I didn't want anything to do with her. She does this at home too -_-.
3. Most of the slides gave me wedgies, gave me reverse wedgies, or would almost rip off my bikini top.
4. The whole trip was planned down to when I could go to the bathroom pretty much. And we had to get up before 8 every morning because..something was planned. Like horseback riding was one morning and that did not thrill me at all. I woke up at 7 and spent and hour drinking coffee down at the Starbucks.
And thats about it, I don't like to complain so I'm not going too. I got a new bikini which I really like even though sometimes it's a little difficult to keep my boobs in it for some reason. And then I got these huge fuzzy moccasins that are warm as shit. Oh, and the food was really good. I had ceasur salad the first night, HUGE, yummy, mmm. And then on the way home we went to this place called Paul Bunyan's and it was really gooood :-D.
Next Vacation is in.. 11ish days, North Carolina with Michelle :*)!

VACATION HELL :*(

Wed, 18 Jul 2007 17:59:10 GMT

Ok heres most of my contact information,
AIM- lohgan
MSN- fijitea@hotmail.com
Sidekick email- losmo@tmail.com
And if I know/like you I'm pretty sure you probably already have my number, so feel free to text me and stuff.
Theres also Myspace :-D.

But er, I'm never on MSN usually so I would try talking to me some other way.
And also,
Depending on service, I could not be reachable at all. I'm not sure yet, so I'll see when I get there. But if I don't get service your out of luck and you'll just have to wait until I get back.

And I have really good news, atleast to me, but I found a website where I can blog directly from my sidekick and it's ment for sidekicks and you can put pictures on there and blog too so I decided I'm going to document my trip I guess.
http://hiptop.com/hiplog/read/4/12787/

So there should be pictures every once in awhile on there and other random stuff.

Vacations:

~~13th-16th: Lake Monticello, VA~~
(home for 2 days)
~~19th-22nd: Dells ,WI~~ (http://www.chulavistaresort.com/ - Resort I am WAS staying at)
(home for 1 day)
~~23rd-30th: San Antonio, TX~~ < TRIP CANCELED
(home for 3 days)
3rd-10th: Emerald Isle, NC w/ Michelle
(home for 5 days)
16th-20th: Jacksonville, FL

Explosion, and not a happy one. Unless happy ones are possible.. Actually that would be an epiphany.

Mon, 09 Jul 2007 20:56:05 GMT

And this is diffidently not even close to an epiphany.
I got extremely upset yesterday, which I haven't been in awhile because it seemed everyone had a bone to pick with me. They either yelled at me, god mad, pissed, etc. I'm sorry I can't please all of you at once? And after thinking about it, I am going to make myself happy. And I am going to stop being a doormat and letting people tell me what to do, etc. And never standing up for myself and never doing anything good for myself. My friends are my friends, if you don't like them or how I met them, or if I talk to them, thats your problem. I was having such a good summer, everything was going fine, I was making friends, I was planning out all my vacations (speaking of this Nikki we may be going to OCMD! :D!), and all the other stuff and then all of a sudden this wave of people come at me with complaints about what I'm doing. If you don't like something I do, or say, I'm sorry to come off as rude but I can't please everyones little ass's 24/7 and you need to get over it. I'm my own person, and I'm not going to let people control me. I'm so sick of being controlled. Once I get my car, once I get my license, once I graduate school I am out of here. I am sick of this town, sick of the people and how they treat others, sick of the atmosphere, etc etc fucking etc. The people that stand beside me no matter what I do, even if its the wrong thing, or saying the wrong thing will be the people I keep in touch with. You want to run someones life? Don't look at me, go find someone else to be your bitch and you tell them what to do. I'm sick of being bitched at. Go ahead and call me shit, immature, spoiled, irresponsible, but WHO THE FUCK ISN'T. I'm pretty sure everyone under the age of 18 is immature in some way, some department. It's pretty much a big hypocritical mess. I don't care if I am spoiled, sorry. It's not like I can do something about it. It's my lifestyle, it's how I grew up, and my friends know that. But I don't stick my nose up in the air, and not give anything to people. I pay for people all the time to go out and do stuff. Movies, dinner, whatever else the fuck comes up. And irresponsible, uh yeah I am. I never pay people back, It takes me awhile. I always forget. If someone asks me to make them a CD, yeah you can expect that shit in about a month. No ones fucking perfect, no ones responsible with every single thing they do. I still have a lot of growing up to do, and I can admit my flaws, I'm a brat, a bitch, I can be selfish at times, I feed the fire when it shouldn't be, etc etc etc. You might think I am just some girl whose had everything done for her, her god damn entire life. But no, I have problems just like everyone else. I'm so sick of this shit guys. I have been trying to be nice about everything, but I can't. This is my explosive blog because I'm done keeping it inside. Go ahead and bitch at me but I couldn't give anymore less of a fuck. This is my life, my rules, my dreams, mine mine mine. Selfish? Nah. This is something I CAN be selfish about and you can't do a fucking thing to stop it and tell me to fucking change that. Sorry if I do something to piss you off, you'll get over it. Sorry if I say something you don't like, get over it. People who waste their time keeps grudges over stupid high school shit or guys or whatever else need a life. No ones going to get on their knees and do whatever the fuck you ask them too. They do whatever they want, you do whatever you want. Friends are there for you no matter what, and if you go and keep grudges on something stupid, don't expect them to be there for you when you really need them. If someone doesn't want to be friends with me over something like that, I do not give a fuck. Your wasting your time on the wrong person because I am pretty sure I will get over it in .2 seconds. And your life's none of my business. So I don't care :).
Now, Let me make my own god damn mistakes. MINE. Not yours. Mine.

Guys/Boys/Men/Males/Assholes?

Mon, 09 Jul 2007 02:02:19 GMT

Lately, I have been in the you know 'I don't care' mood. I guess it's summer, but I haven't been worried about having a boyfriend or anything. I've been okay with the friends with benefits thing but, it just doesn't seem fulfilling anymore. I mean maybe if I find someone I like doing things with, sure. But it just doesn't seem like there is any point. I'm not going to go into desperate mode for a boyfriend, I'm in that sort of thing when, whatever happens, happens. I'm not going to go out and look for someone and get my hopes up and have them crushed. I'm not going to cry over a guy, it's pointless. I'm almost 16, I'm not going to waste my time on a small romance. It's pointless. Nope, not going to go out and buy some ice cream and go watch a sad movie and cry, I have never done that, and I don't plan too.

- I'd like a guy who can actually carry a conversation with me. No awkward moments or silences.
- I want a guy whose shy, but isn't at the same time. Blushing is adorable, or when a guy stumbles over their sentence.
- I'm shy, and I don't want someone that's going to push me into doing things I don't want to do. Especially sex. I need a guy with a lot of patience and respect for me. I have many layers and barriers with things and to go onto different things I need a lot of trust.
- If he can make me laugh to the point where I can't breathe, I'm crying, or on the floor clutching my stomach, then he is perfect in that department. Boring guys are not fun, and that just means theres probably going to be more awkward moments, and no one wants those.
- Someone who likes to kiss, a lot. And in different ways, nothing boring and diffidently not the same every time. Kissing on the forehead, shoulders, lips, nose, cheeks, head, back, anywhere. Or the kind of kisses where the guy comes in and picks up the girl and spins her around and kisses her.
- I want a guy who will fall asleep on the phone with me.
- I don't want a pussy, I want a guy I can full around with, and wrestle, and bite him and I don't need someone whose going to cry. I like to be aggressive and rough.
- A guy that can handle me. I might not seem like a lot, I might not seem like theres a lot in my past, and there might not seem to be a lot to know about me. But believe me, everyone has their secrets, etc etc.
- Someone who'd hug me more than kiss, even though! I love kissing and all, I'd pick a hug over a kiss any day. Small hugs, big hugs, I don't care. I think they are so much better than kissing.
- A guy who will focus on the smaller things in life than bigger ones at times, the smallest things can make me so happy. I'm simple, I'm not that hard to figure out (at times).
- Appearance wise, I love a guy with a strong jawline, a nose, and lips. Pretty eyes, doesn't matter what color. Body.. I do not care. I mean I don't want a 500lb. man, but I don't want a 44lb. guy either. Normal is fine, a little meaty is fine, and muscles is a plus. Nice arms and calves. Big hands
- I need someone whose comfortable with themselves. Comfortable with their body, how they are, etc. I don't want someone who complains about how they look all the time, that comes off as unattractive to me. It makes me feel like I should just go date a girl or something because thats what girls do. They need to have self-confidence. Maybe know what they want to do when they get older, etc.
- They have to have a good head on their shoulders. I don't want some boyfriend who I never see because he's always in jail for doing stupid things, or getting grounded. That's not fun lol.
- PDA = Good, not too much of it, the simple stuff.
- I need, need, need a guy I can be a dork around. Whether its blasting boy band music in the car, burping, playing monopoly until like 6 in the morning, going to the park, playing video games. This is a major thing because I'm not going to act like a prissy ass girl, I'm going to act like I do around my best friends which is completely and utterly insane. And if the guy doesn't like it then he can go find someone else, because thats me.

And after writing all of this I doubt I will ever find someone like this. It's so difficult to find a decent guy where I live, they all seem to be an asshole, a jerk, taken, etc. If a guy can't like me for who I am, he can forget it. I don't change for anyone. I don't let down my barriers for anyone. That's me that takes care of it, and no one else. I want a guy to get to know me down to the bone, into the marrow, and out the other side. I need someone I'm not going to be shy around and can loosen up and be myself. Hopefully I'll be happy in this department one day, but until then I'm just going to sit back, and chill out. I don't want any stress.

Oh another notice.
I seem to be doing all the wrong things lately, saying the wrong things, doing the wrong things, and making bad decisions. Bye.

Hmm..

Thu, 05 Jul 2007 18:17:25 GMT

It really does surprise me how fast things can change in a couple of days, from being non-existent to maybe actually having something. One day being sort of sad and depressed a little over something and then the next minute your close to being the happiest person in the world. I would never give up being sad though because thats pretty much a part of life, and life wouldn't be fun if you were happy all the time. Yeah, it'd be more pleasant and you would have better luck with things. But to me that would be so boring.
Right now me and my mom are 'getting along', were in no sort of fight, battle royal, argument, were not disagreeing over anything, we are just chilled out. This is only for the time being since we always find something else to get all worked up over. I'm exactly like my mom, we both have big mouths, we both have to have in the last word, and we don't stop until the other one gives up. We don't like to admit were wrong, and we both throw a lot of shit at each other. Do I like it? Not really, even though it can be really funny sometimes and I'll end up laughing and pissing her off more. But I really wish I had a mom that I could actually talk to about things.
I've been happy lately, I'm not going to talk about why, not going to talk about how. But the situation that I'm in right now with this whole thing, it's stressful because I hate wanting something I can't have. And in a couple weeks I could be ranting on the situation or not ranting. It could turn out being one of the best things that happens to me, or it could just end up not even happening. Which I guess I'm okay with to a point, but it still kind of gets me flustered. I'm pretty sure though if it did work out, and I was happy, someone else wouldn't be and I'm not going into that either but hopefully if that time comes and happens that person won't freak out on me, and will still stay my friend and try to understand things. But I know it's not going to go down like that. But I'm not going to worry about it right now, only a little bit.
This whole week I've been stuck at home, haven't been able to see my friends, and it sucks. I'm honestly so sick of being home right now I'm about to run away but then that would be pointless seeing as 1.) I have no place to go 2.) My dad would be mad at me and 3.) Theres not really a reason to. I need to get out of the house, I don't even care if its a car ride to the gas station or something or even sitting in rush hour traffic. I miss my friends. And all of this is because no ones here during the day (except for Jackie my dad's gf's daughter who I absolutely despise but she has scarlet fever so she's not going anywhere) and my Grandparents are out of state. But they get back Saturday, Britney leaves this weekend and is going to one of the Carolina's I don't know. And then I leave on the 19th-22nd and am going to Wisconsin. 14 days. 2 weeks. And I am getting out of Maryland and going to go and have more of a life than I already have now. And I'm going to try and not be shy around new people because it's a reunion and there is going to be 60 something people I've never met in my life. And maybe it won't be fucking boring because who goes to fucking Wisconsin? Of all places.
I'm pretty sure between now and then I'm going to be making pro/con lists in my head about all the shit that will happen about the Wisconsin trip and a lot of other things. A lot, a lot, a lot of other things. Some more than others.

Start of an extremely boring week

Tue, 03 Jul 2007 01:43:58 GMT

I honestly don't want to drink ever again because after I did and attempted going to the bathroom (which I almost missed) I felt so sick to my stomach. And what did I do after that? Go drink some more which made it kind of worse. Plus the smoke that was in the room made my stomach hurt and gave me a headache. But since Michelle only had wine coolers I remembered what Alix did and mixed vanilla extract (35% alcohol) with OJ and it smelt awful. Holding my nose still made me gag over it. But at the same time we decided to set off fireworks lol, and before all of the drinking began Michelle sat one so it hit the house, another one exploded like next to her, another one got screwed up and landed like 2 feet away from me and was spinning around. Sleeping at Michelle's never has a dull moment thats for sure.

This weeks going to be really really boring because my grandparents are out of state and I have no one to drive me around to places I need to go, and friends houses, etc. But Alix is home from Texas which means at least I'll have someone to hang out with and I'm not just sitting around home all day which is something I diffidently don't want to due with my summer. I'm going on I believe 3 main vacations this summer? I don't think we're going to make it to OCMD unfortunately (sorry Nikki) but I'm going to Wisconsin for 5 days, Florida for 3 or something days, and then North Carolina with Michelle for a week which I am looking forward too because I'm so sick of Maryland. But I hope we can go to OCMD, and then Boston so I can visit Chelsey so we can paint me black (lol), and idk just someplace other than here. I know I'll have to go to Texas at least once -_- to see my Sister, my Mom and her boyfriend (ew). Which I'm not too thrilled about because I have to act nice to her right now so she'll send me up money for summer clothes, etc.

I'm going to go lay down or something now bye.